See No Evil (2006)

I know! Let’s give hulking wrestler Kane an ax and have him get medieval on a bunch of juvenile delinquents!

That’s probably about all the pre-production that went into this paint-by-numbers stalk-and-stab entry.

And for the most part, it’s enough.

A group of misfit misdemeanor offenders from the County Detention Center are assigned a work detail at the formerly swanky, now deserted, Hotel Blackwell.

As is so often the case, they run afoul of a truculent tenant in the massive form of Jacob Goodnight (Glenn Thomas Jacobs), a brutish killer who plucks the eyes from his victims.

Through a series of jittery flashbacks we learn that Jacob’s mother abused the poor lad, making him live in a cage for having the audacity to look at dirty pictures.

Mom’s ranting and raving about “the eyes being the windows to the soul,” inspires the tormented kid to grow into an XXXXL and kill loads and loads of people.

Nurture versus nature. Will we we ever get a straight answer?

Literally, the biggest thing See No Evil has going for it is Jacobs, a 7-foot, bald behemoth who doesn’t need special effects to look menacing. Yet, he emotes passing shades of confusion and sorrow across his features from time to time, making him just a wee bit sympathetic.

Note: Jacobs was elected mayor of Knox County, Tennessee a few years ago. 

Also, Final Girls Christine (Christine Vidol) and Kira (Samantha Noble, daughter of Fringe‘s John Noble) are both tough as nails and hold up well under extreme duress.

The violence is gung-ho, over the top, and there are some particularly tasty demises, including that of Melissa (Penny McNamee), a hippie animal rights activist who ends up as a screaming plate of kibble for a pack of wild dogs.

There’s nothing especially innovative going on here, but if you’re simply in the mood for some first-rate mayhem, you could do a lot worse.


Author: oldsharky

Sensible writer/editor with sparkling credentials who would happily work for you at a reasonable rate. I moonlight as a bass player, beer enthusiast, Trail Blazers fan, dog fancier, and horror movie fanatic. Sometimes I think about daily events too much and require a little help to clarify and process the deluge of information.

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